theInevitableTruth.

been such a long time since I last updated.
not dead yet just lazy to use my diamond to blog.
guess most thing changes.
but some never.
i finally understand why guys would look at gals who are "colour"
its a routine for all guys.
I understand now.
cuz I finally learn to look at gals now.
anyway im back into my gaming life.
but now no longer on pc.
but on ps3 instead.
recently just bought 400 worth of games.
maybe I feel lonely nowadays.
like a attached guy leading a single's life.
im desperately lookying for sources of "entertainment to keep myself busy.
busy enough to percent me from thinking about stuffs.

me.

im arrogant.
im demanding.
im selfish.

hmm.
today is dinner and dance nite for giordano.

I wanna get wasted.
im sick of drowning in sorrow created by myself.

I just wanna say,
"sorry".

aimInLife.

have not updated for quite long eh.
well com is down troublesome to update ha.
using my htc diamond to blog this entry.
hmm.
a lot a lot of things happened recently that caught me thinking for answers that might never have any answer.
wads my aim in life?
simple life?
or a exciting one?
well somethings never change.
some things always change.
while some things are just a big "question mark"
one would never know any answers from those things.
for its ever changing.
none can predict those.
well I truly believe now.
that nothing stays forever as you wish it would.
only cold hard cash will.
so I gonna go selfish for cash.
its the only thing that stay "true" to you.
it sound stupid.
but money would be all im interested in for now.
until someone can prove me wrong.
someday.
I hope.

spendingFrenzy

omgomgomg.

im on a spending frenzy.

spent 538 + 340 + 89 + 59 = 1014SGD in 3 days time.

on wed to fri.

woohoo.

DIE!

spending september's salary even before the start of september.

smart move eh? lol.

how did i managed to spend so much?!

on a watch, phone, shoes + tshirt!

and and and

finally received the official letter from Giordano stating my promotion!
so happy hahas. :X

mayb thats wad motivates me to work even more, and longer.
to get things i wished for, desire for.
but some things cant be bought.
guess wadeva i do i would lack those haha.

someone told me that one should be happy when one spends money to buy things he or she wanted.
but am i really happy?
i dun really know haha.
i hope im.

i should be. >.>

anyway, HTC diamond is damn sleek lor..

sexy with style haha. :X

but still kinda not used to touch screen and its touch flo engine.

but glad i bought it though. (:

pictures time~

woohoo! Promotion! :X


HTC Diamond at first sight.

Front view of Diamond.

Back View of Diamond.

Emporio Armani!

One word. Classy. :X

My first Pedro shoes!

Never expect me to wear this kinda shoes though. hahas.

FCUK T-shirt! been wanting to buy for so long. finally bought it. :X

Thats when VM comes into play. >.<

CYAS! *gloomy~

moneyTalks.

wooohooo!
been so long since i even feel like blogging.
haha.

been damn worn out recently.
thanks to siti(1st SIC) and ijah(2nd SIC) taking turns to clear their annual leaves.
im forced to extend extend extend. :/
had almost thrown my resignation letter on several occasions.
why?
reason being a bunch of problematic + weak FULL-TIMERS that im given to work with.
its DAMN IRRITATING LARHSSS.
well,
raised up my concern with the weak manpower problem to siti yesterday.
was told and promised that we would get high payout this month.
well pretty true actually.
if all goes well would be a 1.8k after CPF deduction.
i was also promised with a definite BONUS.
yesssssh!
my long awaited bonus!
haha.
but i might not "live" long enuf to get tt bonus.
cuz i might be in NS by then.
hm...
im basically clinging onto the hope for that bonus that im still hanging around in Giordano.
specifically Giordano Jurong Point.
for your info,
im working with 2 pinoys + 2 MICs today.
machiam im the foreigner there.
like some UNITED NATION or wad.
just plain.. DOTSSSS~!

some1 told me this. "as a SIC, wad u need to do is not service, but to oversee that everything is running smoothly in shop. Operations are wad u have to do. Its your collegues who are getting sales for u. U are just there to help them get more sales by making sure that everything is running smoothly. Thats the ROLE of a SIC. No point getting so stressed up over these pple and make yourself so worn out and pissed off. Get wad i mean?"

im now abiding by that.
we'll see how things goes... (:

so many things wanna post but too tired to haha.
perhaps on thursday. :O

ifOnly...

if only i can turn back time.
if only i can be more confident in myself to make the decision i really want to make at that point of time.
if only i can have a "2nd go" again.
if only i can really "speak" my mind out that day.
if only i can be firm with my thinking and pursue it regardless of wadeva.

if only.
if only..
if only...

if only life has a "RESTART FROM LAST SAVE POINT" option.
if only life is a game.

BUT*

life aint a game.
its something, different.
where every actions u make changes your life totally.
there shouldnt be any "if only" in my excuses.
i can only blame myself for wad happened.
for its myself who has decided to "turtle" out.
im just a weak/fragile guy who acts strong/tough.
to provide that illusion.
to not make pple who cares abt me worry,
to make pple who duno me fear me.
but all in all,
is just to runaway from mistakes i make.
to cowardice in the face of an epidemic.
man am i retarded.

#it was within your reach.
but u chose to let it go and whine here when the problem can no longer be salvage.
might be possible.
but no1 noes when.

*YongJie.
you ought to learn and change.
if not u will be stuck at where u are,
forever.

happyMe.

im soooo happy for my friends!
as in real close friends!
people like wind, brian, shihua and also parinee!
wind, my bro, is like doing really well with melissa now!
while brian, my gay buddy from CTSS, has finally settled down! (im no longer attractive to him :/ *lol!)
shihua, my dearest sister, has also settled down with ronald after sooo much problems faced.
while parinee, my another sister, has also found her one! (though i duno his name yet hahas :X)

everyone is finally settled down and living their life to the fullest.
happy for u guys and gals.
cherish it and make everyday worth living for dudes! (:
hopefully i wont be forgotten by you people! hahas.

well as for me, enough of being active.
i wanna be passive!
no longer sentry but stationary!
gals heres the chance! ahhas. (EEEE bhb! but who cares! :X)
haha so not like me but everyone has the rights to dream yeah?? (:
dream only mah wont hurt. :O

*i wanna feel how it is to be loved.
*i am still waiting for my "one".

updates.

been pretty busy with work recently.
anyway, after thinking for sooooo long,
finally decided to buy my first BIG GLOOMY BEAR's CLAW on monday!!
shihua "allowed" me to. :O
mayb its because i treated her to lunch in celebration for my "promotion" hahas.
tues was my first day to close "MY" JP as a in-charge.
so exciting lol.
lucky fizah was around to support me and help me with closing.
if not i wouldnt be able to go home til morning lol!
then on wed went to IMM and relief as in-charge.
OMG! OMG!
haha so worried that i couldnt hit the "target"
lucky i managed to hoho.
overhit in fact! :X
received a sms from siti saying goodjob on doing so good sales for IMM.
know its a fake "GJ!" but nonetheless felt happy of cuz.
im acknowledged! even if its only 1% acknowledgement.
man am i easy to please! =.="
well, carry on with it..
on my break decided to go walk around since i havent been to IMM for quite some time.
in the end..
bought more..
GLOOMY BEARSSS! >.>
they are sooo CUTE!
ahhass.
well, been extending shifts like crazy.
eating alot of "shit" from the "higher people".
guess thats the "warnings" given to me from others.
being the 3rd SUCKS!
but still, hopefully things turn out fine! (:
will update soon with the pictures! meanwhile just drool over me! (my posts i mean .___." )

untitled.

found out recently that i really duno myself at all.
wad i really want.
wad i really wish to have.
wad i really desire in life.
feel so not myself.
perhaps i changed.
or maybe its just plain excuse.

maybe im still afraid of changes.
maybe its just me.

wad should i do now?
im stuck in between nowhere.
just trying to gym and work as much so as to make myself worn out.
so as not to think abt things.
who really noes me?
i guess nobody other than myself.
am i not being simple enough?
or are there really more than meets the eye?

my life is full of "maybe", "or" "duno" blah blah.
so.. dotss..
bah! suckss.

haha im just so crazy!

picturePerfect.

pictures.
meant alot of different things to people.
to me,
it certainly has a far more profound meaning rather than just a few Kbs or Mbs of files.
something far more "expensive" than a lamborghini.

memories.
for its something that u cant buy back.

realise i love to take pictures.
always finding a phone that can easily self-pic.
always carrying my Lumix TZ-15 around when i g o out.
but rarely using it to take pictures.
why?
guess i dun dare to.
haha.
funny but true.
i have no confidence i guess.
but recently i realised.
i changed.
started to love taking pictures. >.<
well hope its a good start!
finally can put my cam to good use! :X

The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear - William Jennings Bryan

and im doing all the things i used to fear. (:

aLessonLearnt.

cherish wads before you.
for you will never know when things may change.
forever.
by then, regrets would be nothing but empty words.
just like music without sound.
a letter without words.
a war without a cause.

always, compromise.
avoid complications of problems if possible.
no trouble is always better than more troubles.

be more wary of your surroundings.
no man is an island.
there will always be people around u who cares abt u,
who loves you.
just take that small tiny effort into noticing your surroundings,
u may then just find wad u really desire and dream of.
sometimes,
a dream that we try means and ways to "fulfil",
might just be right in front of us.
just that we are constantly blind-sided by ourselves to believing that its impossible to be fulfiled so easily.

remember.
be sensitive and treat yourself fairly. (:
only then will u really know wad u really wants.

weAreAllMen.

we are all men.
men with flesh and blood.
men who are prone to so much "dangers".
men who are helpless under the destructive powers of Nature himself.

we are all so, vulnerable.
just one wrong step and all u had been working for will all crumple down.
all gone in a spilt second.
wads worse?
without any signs.

who knows?
perhaps tml might be my turn with my migraine.
next week might be yours.
things are sometimes too sudden for us to react.
at least too sudden for ME to react.

well wadeva it is,
may u, my friend rest in peace.
we would always remember u.
the laughters u brought us,
the "PJ! PJ! PJ!" during basketball games, with u being our permanent center player.
the "slaps" u gave us,
the nites we pwnt in dota.
sorry for not being able to spend more time together due to my laziness to get outta house.
still,
thanks for everything.
from the deepest of my heart i thank you.
remembering u always.
rest in peace. (:

loneRanger.

just kinda miss out alot of things bah.
well shihua last day in giordano and i couldnt be there to bid her farewell.
kinda..
sad bah.
haha.

but in a way,
its good too!
cuz i noe if i was present,
i wouldnt be able to control my emotions man.
most probably would be in tears lol! >.>

my only 2 good friends,
true friends to be exact,
had both left giordano.
wind, shihua.
like pple always say, 'friends are forever.'
do truly hope our friendship last and stays on forever.
for its in u 2 i find myself.
i found happiness in friendship, a cause to live.
if u are reading this shihua,
thanks for everything.
really appreciated the days when u accompanied me when im at my lowest,
your constant effort to make me a better person,
your laughters,
your exaggerated emphasise on certain words. :X
last but not least,
your presence.
be it in shop, or outside shop.
thanks for everything shihua, my dearest sister. (:

perhaps its my turn to leave i guess haha.
somehow i feel lonely all of a sudden.
im once again,
a lone ranger hunting for my prey.
one who has only him and himself to depend on.
one who has only his instinct and his survival skills to depend on.
one who has only himself to make decisions with.

my life as a lone ranger has once again,
started. (:

dreamNoMore.

its always nice to dream.
be it daydreaming,
or be it having a sweet dream.
sometimes even a nightmare might be nice.
haha.
sadist me.

well,
being a guy whos rather more ambitious,
i PLAN rather than just DREAM.
i believe that only through hard work would a dream come true.
TALK is cheap.
ACTION speaks far much louder and clearer for sure.

well speaking of "TALK",
much was done.
wads lacking now is "ACTION".
its still in the midst of execution though.
while "DREAM-ing" of living a different life is wad everyone wished for,
"PLAN-s" had been made and waiting for that zero hour,
for "ACTION-s" to be taken.

thou shall not dream but make it happen. (:

we'll see if that day ever come.
i believe it will.
one way or another.
for once i have a "GOAL" in life.
thanks.

timelessNights.

kinda lost track of time.
haha as in "clock" that "time".
unknowingly its already 3am.
i gotta reach jp by 10am and im still awake.

gosh.
perhaps im afraid of going to sleep.
without realising it,
i have been dreaming of her for the past 3days straight.

hm..
heaven hinting something to me eh?
or izit just myself too tired or wad.
hopefully its just me being too tired.
dreaming of her reminds me of the past.
i dun wanna live in the past.
i wanna move on and dream of my future.
or shld i say im afraid of living in the past.
or shld i say im scared of the same "scenario", same "ending" from happening.

well..
wadeva it is..
hafta try to catch a wink before i get KO-ed tml haha.
perhaps its time for me to get some sleeping pills lol.
yeah, i should.
next pay FTW! xD

iMissYou.

i miss you.

i really do.

you in here means "COOKING" ! :X

such a joy to go thru the effort to cook rather than just ta pao home some zi cha.

i miss cooking.

anyhow whip up a hotdog spag for myself haha.

enjoying it at this very moment!

hoho.

i yearn to cook for my destined one someday.

be it whoever she is.

be it she appreciate the effort at all.

for IMO, nothing beats a home cooked dinner.

not even some extravangant feast.

kinda random haha.

CHEERS!~ ( :

a 10mins done-ed hotdog spag! wheee! xD

oneYearOld.

19.7.07.

that fateful day had made me the guy im now.

being a Giordano-nian for a year had taught me alot.

be it handling work, personal problems.

be it handling stress, politics at work.

or be it proving myself that im capable of accomplishing things.

i learnt alot.
im glad that i did made that decision to join Giordano.
cuz without it, i might be just a "wandering soul" walking abt aimlessly.

not having any accomplishment even til now.

at least now im a 3rd in-charge.

at least my hard work paid off. (:

well,

on 19.7.08, yesterday, the shop key was pass on to me.
i felt, weird.

frankly speaking im doubting my ability to manage such a big shop

ability to manage so many staffs.

ability to manage so many "stocks".

am i really up to it?

i hope im.

haha.

its not just a mere increase in pay that im looking forward to.
its a CHANCE to prove myself worthy of the hope that my parents had put on me.
i have been disappointing them.
nothing much to make them proud of.
i wan a change for this.

i have to make it.

for myself, for everyone that cares for me. (if there are any.*rofl :S)

i gonna be opening shop for 4days this week. (i think)

hopefully things turn out alrite!

haha.

MY shop key! :X gonna go "accessorise" it some time.

bdaeColour.

during a simple conversation on the MSN with yx, she showed me this "bdae colour" of mine.
translated directly from chinese. so may seem weird.


BLUE.

You have no confidence in yourself
You are also very picky.
You have the artistic talent in yourself.
Its easy for you to love someone.
But when a relationship comes into your life, you only use your "feelings" to love.
And not your heart to love.


well.
how much an extent is this true?
i dun really know.
well time will tell.
haha.

twoAgainstOne.

war is upon us.
monster S has been terrorising Area J for a long time.
mayhem everywhere.
everyone had been living in cowardice.
9months had past.
2 had stepped up for the challenge.
armed with nothing but courage + ingenious plans.
they would be having a showdown with monster S soon enough.
everything is ready.
just lacking of that final "element".
there's no turning back.
options are open.
many alternatives.
1 picked direct confrontation with her RPGs and Explosives.
1 picked covert operation with his "backdoor sabotage".
DIE monster S.
its time to meet your DOOM.
your planned almost worked.
but they were strong enough to clear that smokescreen.
though it did took quite abit outta them.
initially, it was one against one.
with one firing her lone RPGs against you.
cuz the second one can do nothing, no cause to fight for.
BUT.
now its TWO against one.
MEET YOUR FATE.
FEAR THEM!!

to be continued.

? & .

everyone has their own beliefs.
and no one has the right to take them from us.
one believe in ending with a full stop.
another believe in ending with a qns mark.
whos right?
whos wrong?
only time will tell.
all i wish that it is a qns mark, not a full stop.
cuz one's fate is sealed upon seeing a fullstop.
whereas one's fate can be changed if ended with a qns mark.
i believe in myself rather than fate.
things wont happen on its own.
things requires effort, most imptly, time.
fate is just an easy excuse.
nothing more.
thats me.
just plain me.
nothing more.

goingAgainstTheFlow.

going with the flow is easy.
effortless.
but going against it is a totally DIFFERENT experience.
one have to really go through it to realise.
im going through it now.
not easy, but i will perserve.
i will succeed.
nothing is really going "WITH" me now.
guess nothing beats depending on yourself.
path ahead is rocky, but i believe i can do it.
its been so long since i truly depend on myself for everything.
its time again for me to do so.
haha.
i can.

sleeplessNight.

and perhaps more to coming.

bloodPact

a pact with myself.
i gonna change.
i hafta change.
i must.
no more shall the old, weak me be seen/found anymore.
enough said.
enough endured.
enough being stupid and retarded.
i am.
different.
today shall mark the day.
with blood i shall have this pact fufilled.

**thou shall not quit before this pact is fufilled.
with blood i shall seal this and make it happen.

territoryMeeting@IMM

its the second one i attended so far.
well kinda different from the first one of cuz.
the people around me are all different faces.
only a few familiar faces remain.
frankly speaking, i do miss some of those faces.
those laughters that we used to share.
those arguments that we used to have.
well.
people move on and so do i.
this meeting was sorta different for me.
cuz i was somehow looking forward to it.
somehow, someway, something is making me feel that way.
funny but true. :/
mentioned about bad temper towards customers.
i felt rather, embarassed.
esp when ijah looked towards me hinting me.
and also seeing shihua from afar hinting me too.
im totally, embarassed.
totally disgraced with myself.
to think that i actually boasted about putting pride into my work.
perhaps thats why i had that thought of quitting again for that spilt second.
just a causal comment though, nothing much. (:
so dun worry i will still hang on to prove myself right.
change is a must for me.

later went tcc tcss with my collegues.
donn, wind, shawn, naing and shihua.
according to wind, i emo-ed through the conversations.
thinking back.
ya i did.
tired mayb. . .
hahah.

went back jp to look for my specs next.
after struggling pretty much, i ended up buying a Evisu spectacles.
thats of cuz only possible with the help of my fashion consultant, shihua right?? :O
yeah cost me 340bucks.
but i love it so its okay! (:
partially cuz of the subsidy from my mummy?
250bucks!
hurray! thanks mum!
yeah and i finally managed to settle the "overdue stock-in slips matter" . (just SOME irritating problem caused by SOME inconsiderate people)*harhar.
accompanied shihua go eat kfc later on in the day.
hey! if u are reading this, you stil owe me a treat whereas i owe you one too! (for the "take-bus-late-thing"and the specs thing respectively)*wahaha
and now here im blasting my music again!
strong bass makes me high! ^^

-yyyyyj signing off.

imDots...

yeah.
im dots. . .
jumping right into a bottomless pit without thinking.
hopefully wad awaits me is not a trap full of spikes.
but stacks of hay to break my fall.
time will tell.
who knows? (:

timeIsOfTheEssence

im happy.

that happy. (:

never knew "yu pian mi fen"(sliced fish beehoon) can be so tasty.

quality time spent is better than the quantity of time spent.

sometimes last min decision can be fun too!

rather than always planning ahead.

getting stressed for nothing.

haha.

im just being random. :X

anyway found this online.

http://www.hsc.wvu.edu/wviih/pdfs/sedgeman/03.pdf

it means something. (:



-yyyyyj signing off.

seeingIsBelieving.

today is just a pretty normal/boring day for me.
pretty much a routine already i guess.
just when i thought my day would rot away. . .
a few things happened that left me, smiling. (:
in the morning, i was told by ijah(my in-charge) that one of my regular actually called the shop yesterday, looking specifically for me. asking if i was around in the shop.
i wasnt, and she decided to drop by today instead.
dint really expected my regular customer to actually did that.
waiting for me be on shift so i could be there to serve her.
i was, touched.
really.
at about noon time, yet another customer came by.
one that kept addressing me by my name instead of "ah boy" or "ooi" or "hello".
i felt, delighted, with a slight touch of weirdness.
haha.
getting acknowledge for my effort, my service.
it was a very unusual moment for me i must say.
a mixture of feeling odd and happy.
today they finally got the pants that they were looking for ages.
they kept thanking me by name,
even bidding farewell by my name.
in the evening just when i thought nothing "happening" would happen,
i saw a familiar figure walking out of the storeroom.
dint really expect to see u there when i dint see u walk in.
haha.
though just a short conversation with you.
i was happy.
very happy. (:
well, i believe. . .
with just a effort to say thank you, u can already easily change a person's day.
perhaps we should learn to give more than take?
i just feel so. . .
vulnerable to everything right now.
esp emotional stuffs.
been giving away so much for the past "many years".
how i wish i can be taking in instead of always giving out.
selfish act?
yes it is.
but its time for me to be selfish.
i must and have to "SEE" the difference
fighting for my own rights.
fighting for wad i BELIEVE.

-yyyyyj signing off.

quickRecap.

the past few months have been a very emotional period for me.
too many things happened.
too little time to solve.
somehow i managed to "survive" thru it of cuz.
if not i wun be here blogging it down either?
haha.
running away from problems was my initial solution.
instead, i found more problems for myself.
stress has become a limiting factor for me.
almost breaking me mentally/physically on many ocassions.
be it work/love/personal.
be it mentally/physically/emotionally.
my favourite/worse enemy is back.
migraine.
as much as i hated it to be there, it is always there.
as time goes on, i found out more problems.
problems that stopped me dead in my tracks.
problems that made me think so much.
problems that made me lose my cool/mind.
problems that made me cry day and night.
i cant handle stress.
its killing me.
thanks to that some1, i managed to find back my courage to step up to the challenges ahead of me.
you are the only one that truly understands me.
if u are reading this.
i thank u from the deepest of my heart.
u "intro-ed" me happiness again.
been such a long time since i found my "true self".
thanks again. (:
now moving on . . .
i have only a few things in mind.

1. bulk myself up and acheive tt physique that all men/ladies and even gays look forward to! :X (turning gay? :O)
2. sucessfully make it thru the probation period for senior3 in giordano. (more $$ ! haha.)
3. tidy up my garbagebin-lookalike room. (its terrible.)
4. image "make-over". (hunk-to-be. puke* :S)

last but not least . . .

5. that special moment.

yyyyyj signing off.

virginPost.

well finally tot of starting a blog for myself.
to record down my happy/unhappy moments.
hopefully my attempt to start a blog wont be futile this time.
haha.
one simple guy.
thats me!
perhaps when im bedridden i could still "relive" my past.
bringing laughter and that "dotss.. why did i do that?" face.
well wish me luck!
cuz im also a lazy guy who most probably wun update often.
cheers! (: